The Academic Woketionary

A full glossary for the lost student/professor

If you are in academia, we are sure you constantly hear terms like diversity, equity, inclusion, social justice, whiteness and more, flying around as if they are everyday terms everyone knows. We are also sure that none of your exponentially growing body of handsomely paid DEI commissars ever bothered to define those terms for you. Worry not. This is why we are here.

• Ally: Someone who supports a group other than one’s own (in terms of intersecting identities). An ally acknowledges oppression and actively commits their life to The Church, donating all his/her time and money to its goals. Allyship can be revoked at any moment without notice or explanation. As a member of a dominant group, an ally should not expect recognition or respect as s/he will commit the sin of self-centering his/her dominant identity.

• American Exceptionalism: The false idea that the United States’ values and history are unique. Example: The myth that slavery and racial discrimination are a uniquely American phenomenon. Any false and bigoted belief that America is any better than the idyllic, peaceful societies of the Global South.

• Anti-Racism: The racist belief that people of color cannot achieve merit without lowering the standards. The main tenet of The Church, as preached by St. Kendi. The center of one’s life and activities.

• Bigot: Infidel, does not believe in the DEI religion.

• Color Blind: A genetic disorder that affects approximately 8% of those randomly assigned male at birth. The bigoted and hateful belief that everyone should be treated not “by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

• Conservative: Infidel, does not adhere to the DEI religion.

• Critical Race Theory (CRT): A theory that developed out of legal studies in the 70s founded by Derrick Bell, Kimbrele Cranshaw, Richard Delgado and Jean Stefnacic among others. They borrowed a lot of ideas from black liberation movements and Marxism. Their basic tenets are that race is systemic and baked into every aspect of the law. While race is a social construct it underlies every single interaction but instead of moving beyond it one should actually hyperfocus on it. In the intro to their critical race theory book Delgado and Stefancic claim that "Unlike traditional civil rights, which embraces incrementalism and step-by-step progress, critical race theory questions the very foundations of the liberal order, including equality theory, legal reasoning, Enlightenment rationalism, and neutral principles of constitutional law." Praxis, or practical applications of CRT, is what is being taught in schools. Actual American History and the main tenet of The Church.

• Cultural Appropriation: The use of components from another culture without acknowledgement or credit. Example: Pizza. Tomatoes are indigenous to Central America and wheat is native to the Middle East.

• (De)colonize: In case on sciences, the active and intentional process of substituting merit with the DEI values.

• Diversity:  Uniformity of opinions and views.

• Equity: Deliberate inequality to enforce equal outcomes. As St. Kendi said - “the only remedy to past discrimination is present discrimination”. And we shall say Amen and Awomen.

• Gay man: A man attracted to men (see also “lesbian”).

• Gender Identity: A person’s internal sense of being male, female or a Janus cat. Since gender identity is internal, one’s gender identity is not necessarily visible to others and yet must be treated as an absolute truth (which does not exist!). It is inherent and immutable, yet ever changing. It is completely unrelated to the sex RANDOMLY assigned at birth, yet often requires drastic medical procedures and hormonal treatment to achieve characteristics of the opposite sex (despite the fact that it doesn’t really exist). It always and with no exceptions must take precedence over the sex RANDOMLY assigned at birth.

• Gender Non-conforming: People whose behavior does not perfectly align with gender stereotypes, i.e. approximately 99% of the population.

• Harassment: Comments or actions that can be perceived as offensive, embarrassing, humiliating, demeaning and unwelcome. Example: Lengthy, grammatically challenged email blasts by the Supreme Leaders and Union Comrades that endlessly shove DEI and equity down everyone’s throat. Burdening students with homework, tests, exams, and final projects.

• Inclusion:  Exclusion of anyone who does not believe in the DEIties.

• Intelligence: An amorphous quality that you have in your heart.

• LGBTQQIA2S:  The first three letters identify sexual orientations. We cannot keep up with the rest as the list keeps growing.

• Lesbian: A non-man attracted to non-men (see also "gay man”).

• Man: Adult human male, duh.

• Microaggression: The extremely violent and trauma inducing act of asking bigoted questions such as “where is your family from?” MIT scientists recently discovered femtoaggressions.

• Oppression: The systemic and pervasive nature of forcing everyone in the sciences and beyond to comply with DEI, whether they want it or not. Any action performed by a cis-gender white male or Asian of any sex/gender.

• People of Color (POC): A collective term for men, women and other folx of Asian, African, LatinX and Native American backgrounds, (Middle Eastern people may or may not be included), as opposed to the collective ”White”.

• People of Non-Color (PON): A collective term for men, women and other folx that are NOT of Asian, African, LatinX and Native American backgrounds, (Middle Eastern people may or may not be included), as NOT opposed to the collective “White”

• Privilege: Exclusive access or access to material and immaterial resources based on the membership in a dominant social group. Example: The growing ranks of DEI administrators.

• Queer:  A unique, brave and stunning person of any sexual orientation. Often comes with pink or blue hair.

• Race: A social construct that artificially divides people into distinct groups based on geographic, cultural and genetic characteristics. Superficial and unimportant. The most important concept in the DEI doctrine. Those who think the two preceding sentences contradict each other, repeat after me: “Logic is White Supremacy”.

• Racist: Infidel, does not adhere to the DEI religion. McWhorter and KKK are one and the same thing.

• Restorative Justice: Academia’s valiant efforts to handle the growing number of plagiarism cases without losing too much tuition money.

• Safe Space:  A crying room where students can unwind after being exposed to extreme violence and trauma (see also: microaggressions).

• Sex: The imaginary cluster of biological, chromosomal and anatomical features randomly associated with “maleness” and “femaleness”. Sexual dimorphism is often thought to be a concrete reality, whereas in reality the existence of Intersex individuals points to a multiplicity of sexes in the human population - as evidenced by the clear fact that we all have at least three biological parents if not six. Assigned completely randomly at birth by ignorant doctors.¹

• Sexual orientation: An imaginary and bigoted concept, since sex is imaginary and bigoted.

• Social Justice: Marxism applied to disparage science and logic to keep minorities down in the name of DEI. The new and only focus of any academic institution, as is evident by the growing number of DEI vice provosts.

• Structural inequality:  Systemic disadvantage(s) of one social group compared to other groups, rooted and perpetuated through discriminatory practices (conscious or unconscious) that are reinforced through institutions, ideologies, representations, policies/laws and practices. When this kind of inequality is related to racial/ethnic discrimination, it is referred to as systemic or structural racism. Example: Anti-Asian college admission policies.

• System of Oppression: Marxism. Concepts that end with -ism such as sexism, heterosexism, ableism, classism, ageism, anti-Semitism (sorry, the latter doesn’t count). Society's institutions, such as government, education, and culture, all contribute or reinforce the oppression of marginalized social groups while elevating dominant social groups.

• Transphobia: The terribly bigoted, ridiculous and trauma-inducing belief that humans are sexually dimorphic.

• Trans woman: Woman.

• White fragility: Any disagreement with the CRT social justice for any reason. Denial of white fragility is in itself a token of white fragility. Therefore, it is provably real. Q.E.D… Oh, I didn’t sound like a white male oppressor, did I?

• Whiteness: Being of a European and sometimes Middle Eastern origin. Belief in merit. In academia, whiteness is mostly exhibited by Asians.

• White Supremacy: KKK, white nationalism. Adhering to any harmful Western Values. Example: DEI is White Supremacist.

• Woman: No one knows, unless it is a trans woman (see above).

1. This is (almost) not a parody. See here.