Shove It Up Your Heart
Shove It Up Your Heart
New forms of intelligence are introduced to the sciences
True to her promise to introduce indigenous ways of knowing into the sciences as an alternative to the Western, colonial empiricism and scientific method, Vice Provost for Alternative Facts Anna Savant created a new mandatory course for disrupting those egregious pedagogies and introduce expansive notions of excellence based on ancient Mexican teachings.
Among the required reading was a brave and stunning article that claims that conventional IQ is only one of a large variety of ways to measure intelligence, whose prominence is linked to our baseless faith in reasoning and rationality. Much more important is the indigenous notion of ass intelligence, which has been studied extensively by Mexican healers:
It is the flow of awareness, understanding and intuition we experience when the mind and emotions are brought into coherent alignment with the ass. Ass intelligence underlies cellular organization, and it has been shown that due to the age-related expansive nature of the ass, most people become more ass-intelligent as they get older.
Mathematician Alfredo Gómez looked at the course syllabus in disgust, and said: “I’ve never heard of such a thing in my life!”.
“But of course you haven’t. What do you know about LatinX teachings anyway?” asked Savant in a silky, honey dripping voice, looking at him with disdain. Gómez, usually prim and proper, started to lose his cool: “What do you mean what do I know? I AM Mexican! I am also a serious scientist, and this is Bullshit! And for fuck’s sake I hate the word LatinX! I’m Latino, dammit!” Savant shook her head in pity, told Gómez again that he had no idea what it means to be a LatinX mathematician, and sent him to the White Mountains re-education center to fix his problematic behavior. To the best of our knowledge he is still there.