Whose is Bigger? Mine is Bigger!
Whose is Bigger? Mine is Bigger!
Let's see who's the most devoted anti-racist of all.
It’s September and you know what that means, right? The annual “whose is bigger” contest! We rank universities and professional associations from across the country on the Oberlin Scale of Righteousness, and determine whose Electness is the biggest of them all.
Boston University: They literally have St. Kendi. No further proof is needed. 10 on the Oberlin scale.
American University: Lost St. Kendi to BU. No further proof is needed. 0 on the Oberlin scale.
UNC: Failed to acknowledge the Divine Prophetess Nikole Hannah-Jones and offer her immediate tenure, a personal food taster, a daily supply of mineral water and rose-scented candles for her office. 0 on the Oberlin scale.
Professional Associations: We have two recent converts. The Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) and The American Psychological Association (APA) throw their hats in the ring and vow to centralize race and ethnicity and divest from Eurocentric ways of knowing as part of their “health equity” plans. Goodbye science, hello DEI! . They still need to prove themselves, but we’ll give them 8 on the Oberlin scale for effort. If more patients DIE (no pun intended), we’ll up the score.
UMass Boston: Pros: A brave and stunning mission statement that ditched the racist and bigoted notion of free exchange of ideas and intellectual inquiry for the sake of equity. The first draft was so spectacular it even made the Boston Globe; the most Bulter-esque strategic plan that’s bound to make Foucault proud - it mentions equity and racial justice dozens of times and science - not even once! ; A very active restorative justice commission; A list of grand scholarly challenges that all have “justice” and “equity” in them but again - no science!; We even have our very own “whose is bigger” internal fiasco. Bonus: in his 2021 convocation speech, our Vice Supreme Leader emphasized the need to dismantle WHITENESS, as his pale face distorted in disgust at the swear word. Cons: Sorry, homies. We know we claim to be the LEADING anti-racist and health-promoting university and you saying it at every occasion means it MUST be true, but you should still DO BETTER. Your famously poor to non-existent organizational skills work against you - so far it’s all talk and no action. Worse yet: Your 2022 welcome emails were so moderate that we’re worried you started to back-paddle. We want to see blood! Inquisition! Struggle sessions! Look at our competitors and DO THE WORK. 7.5 on the Oberlin scale.
MIT: An ever-growing DEI force, the SHASS and a Chancellor who keeps disavowing science’s racist legacy are a winning trifecta, not to mention Dorian Abbot’s deplatforming, oops, sorry - being held accountable for his infidelity. They also saved the best for last and came up with a brilliant plan: In a true MIT fashion they made up a new acronym - Belonging, Achievement and Composition (composition?). Bonus: They inspired our dear friends the Babbling Beavers and, by extension, us. Cons: Still too much Eurocentric STEM. 9.5 on the Oberlin scale.
U. of Michigan: A truly impressive $15M roster of DEI commissars. Their 126-strong list of handsomely paid commissars even includes a Botanical Gardens & Arboretum diversity/inclusion specialist because, as everyone knows, the outdoors are racist! 9 on the Oberlin scale.
Ohio State: The Task Force on Racism and Racial Inequities puts everyone, even Oberlin, to shame. Their equity plan is a shining example of true devotion to the Gods: overhauling of the curriculum? Check. DEI as a metric for hiring, tenure and promotion? Check. Students working in service of the inquisition incorporating DEI in their evaluations? Double Check. The cherry on top - Campus leaders are charged with creating a cultural transformation work plan. A true cultural revolution in the spirit of Chairman Mao! 9.9 on the Oberlin scale (it can’t be a 10. Only Kendi gets a 10).
Minnesota State: Ladies, gentlemen and all other folx, we have a true sinner! At first glance, their brave and stunning “Equity by design” plan looks like a boilerplate provided by the School of the Elect: Different ways of knowing, hyper-focusing on race, bla bla. But a closer look reveals their terrible HERESY: They clearly define equity and specifically mention Critical Race Theory as their driving force!
Institutional racism is an entrenched characteristic of colleges and universities that has to be dismantled with strategies that are color conscious, informed by critical race theory and systemic. In addition, we expect proportional representation of historically marginalized groups in educational outcomes (e.g., access, retention, and degree completion) and participation in enriching experiences within higher education. (p.8. Emphasis ours).
For boldly egregiously going where no man or womxn or cat-emoji identified individual has ever gone before and for exposing what must-not-be-named, they get a -2 on the Oberlin scale.*
* Despite that, CRT is still not used in education. Not at all. We also don’t know what CRT is. As a matter of fact, it does not exist.