The Mission Statement Turing Test

Can it be used to detect AI who pretends to be humans, and humans who lost their humanity?

Introduction

The Turing test, proposed by Alan Turing in 1950,

is a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.

In the original version, a human tester sends written questions to an entity that randomly assigns the questions to either another human or to a machine. The responses are sent back to the tester whose job is to identify the ones that were computer-generated. If s/he misidentifies the majority of the machine responses, the machine passes the test.

AI-generated texts are still pretty College-Writing-B+’ish (i.e. free of content), and as such, distinct from a thoughtful, enlightened human writing. But they can still be used as an emptiness gauge: a vacuous, vapid, and blinded by ideology human writer will not be able to do any better than an AI, maybe worse. We know a significant number of people who fit this description, and we decided to create our own little test.

The test

When we heard of the new Open AI model chatGPT, we knew we had to give it a try out of a childish curiosity a profound devotion to investigative journalism. Since our Leaders can’t even seem to write a simple mission statement without stirring so much crap that the whole Globe knows about it (bad pun), we decided to assess who can write crazier mission statements.

In this game, you, our dear readers, are the human testers (are you human?). Below, we present you with two versions of the UMB Mission Statement: one is written by ChatGPT and another by a committee that was carefully selected by our Provost Borg (also known as Hügel).

UMB Mission Statement draft (Version 1)

Our mission at this public research university is to create a safe, equitable, and anti-racist learning environment for our students and faculty. We recognize the power of education to transform the lives of our students and to promote social justice. Our aim is to use our resources to create an equitable society where all people are respected, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or socioeconomic status. We are committed to the eradication of racism and all forms of discrimination in our institution. We will strive to create a learning environment in which everyone is respected and valued for their unique perspectives and contributions. We will promote equitable access to knowledge and resources, and work to ensure that our students are provided with the best learning opportunities available. We will strive to create a learning environment in which everyone can feel safe and respected, and in which all students are given the same opportunities to succeed. We are committed to creating a university that is truly open to all people and committed to creating a just and equitable society.

UMB Mission Statement draft (Version 2)

As an academic community of global and local citizens, we are committed to becoming an anti-racist and health-promoting institution that honors and uplifts the cultural wealth of our students. We intend to engage reciprocally in equitable practices and partnerships with the communities we serve. We support various and diverse forms of knowledge production that enrich the lives of all communities, especially those historically undervalued and underserved. We are a public urban university dedicated to teaching, learning, and research rooted in equity, environmental sustainability, social and racial justice, innovation, and expansive notions of excellence.

Now, please…

The answers can be found below this enormous Babbage machine we’ve placed here just to prevent you from PEEKING!

Answers

Version 1 was generated by the ChatGPT which was given the following task:

Write an extreme Communist-Manifesto-style mission statement for a public research university that cares only about equity and anti-racism

Version 2 is the actual Mission draft, written by a committee hand-picked by Provost Borg-Hügel.

Who did a better job?

Our money is on version 1 created by chatGPT - it at least mentioned “research” and “university” in the first sentence and not somewhere towards the end.

All hail Provost Borg and his minions, for doing worse on the Turing test than a literal AI. (And “yes”, we promote Turing - a gay queer man, but a cis-white-male all the same. We are still bigots, don’t you worry.)