UMass Boston enlists Ibram X. Kendi to fix Mission and Vision Statement
UMass Boston enlists Ibram X. Kendi to fix Mission and Vision Statement
Desperate to fix the original sin of racism, UMass Boston hired Ibram X. Kendi to do what he does best.
Desperate to fix the original sin of racism, the university hired the services of historian, anti-racism expert and McArthur Genius (and overall genius) Ibram X. Kendi, to thoroughly revise the university’s mission and vision statement. Kendi came up with the following brilliant piece, hailed as Genius by everyone from the University Supreme Leader to the last of the janitors. Inspired by him, UMB passed an anti-racist amendment to its constitution and all of its working documents, enshrining a guiding anti-racist principle - Racial inequity is always and with no exception evidence of a current racist policy: absence an active racism, all racial groups would be proportionally represented in any pool, historic racism notwithstanding.
We have obtained an exclusive copy of the new document and we bring it here for the first time:
We aspire to become an anti-racist and health-promoting public research institution where:
It is unconstitutional to promote racial inequity, with the former defined as racial disparities in its output: the institution that produced a racially unbalanced output is deemed racist, regardless of the demographic composition of institution’s input.
It is unconstitutional to have or express racist ideas by anyone affiliated with the university (with “racist ideas” to be defined one day).
UMB would establish and permanently fund the Department of Anti-racism (DOA) comprised of formally trained experts on racism appointed by a committee that will be appointed by another committee, and accountable to no one. The nature of said formal training will be determined by DOA.
The DOA would be responsible for preclearing all syllabi, research proposals, publications, university documents, letters, e-mails and private conversations to ensure they won’t yield racial inequity or any form of dissent.
The DOA will be empowered to take any measures to monitor those policies including but not limited to - investigate private conversations, course recordings and lab reports for any sign of dissent, and monitor all university employees for expressions of dissenting ideas, up to and including bugging their offices, homes, bathrooms and cars, and installing chips in their forearms.
To hold ourselves and each other accountable to ensure these values drive all decision-making in research, pedagogical innovations, resource allocation, and the development of policies and practices, the DOA would be empowered with disciplinary tools to wield over and against everyone in the university community who do not voluntarily change their racist policy and ideas and falls in line with the aforementioned policies line, hook and sinker. The nature of such disciplinary action will be determined by DOA at their complete discretion.
For his efforts, Kendi was paid $2M and got the university into the worst budget crisis since 2017, necessitating the hiring of two new Associate Vice Provosts for budget catastrophe and PR disasters, and the bribing of the whole Boston Globe staff. When asked how come he gets paid so much when he continuously claims that capitalism is racism, Kendi immediately ghosted the university and never replied to any other emails or requests.