What is Wrong with our Supreme Leader?
Is he back-paddling or simply committing woke suicide?
We at the Flickering Beacon are starting to worry about our Supreme Leader’s health and wellbeing. It started in his “welcome back, beacons” email, where he emphasized academic excellence, basic and translational research, and even made a Freudian typo when he mentioned “racial inEQUALITY” (sic). We know English is not his first language but this is a grave error in the eye of the Church. Worse yet - it was the only time he mentioned race! In the entire email!
We thought it was only a one-time fluke but then came the protests in Iran. A woman was killed by police for showing her hair, which ignited country-wide riots that resulted in more deaths. An unfortunate situation, indeed, but we here at the Church of the Elect know that Iran, as well all other Middle Eastern countries (with one notable exception), are beyond criticism because, you know, Islamophobia, BIPOC1 , intersectionality, and more Islamophobia. Everyone knows the appropriate response is crickets. Like, did any Church official say anything when Salman Rushdie was stabbed? Didn’t think so.
However, yesterday our Supreme Leader committed a double whammy in his community-wide email: Not only did he condemn the so-called “persecution and violence” of the Iranian regime and the courage of Iranian WOMEN (sic), he also wrote (we quote, emphasis ours):
The courageous actions of Iranian citizens affirm values that are central to UMass Boston: FREEDOM OF CONSCIENCE, LIBERTY OF THOUGHT, AND EQUAL JUSTICE FOR ALL.
Wait, we thought freedom of conscience, liberty of thought and equal justice were completely scrubbed from our new Mission and Vision statements and our beautifully written strategic plan for going against the Church’s tenets and being code words for bigotry, inequity and far-right conservatism.
What is going on here? We are a health promoting university. Should we worry about our beloved Supreme Leader’s health or report him to Church officials? Please help us to make up our minds.
Are Middle Eastern people BIPOC? The jury is still out.