Quantum Aspects of the Woke Standard Model

Quantum uncertainty and its applications in Woke Theory.

This is part 2 of the Woke Theory series. See part 1 here.

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It is known that physics is cis-white-hetero-patriarchal. So much so that even telescopes are homophobic. It’s true!. But, if one good thing came out of it - it is the principles of quantum uncertainty and wave function collapse. As we all know, quantum states are often a superposition of several states at the same time, as demonstrated by the famous Schrödinger's cat thought experiment (no real cat was harmed during it), where a cat can be both alive and dead until a measurement is taken.

This is a paradoxical illustration of quantum superposition, but as we already saw - paradoxes are part and parcel of the Quantum Woke theory. Enter the Asian wave function, which is a superposition of two states - white and non-white. An Asian is simultaneously white and non white until a measurement is taken. If the measurement is college admission - the wave function collapses into a pure “white” state (although the world famous SCOTUS research institution very recently questioned the validity of said measurement). On the other hand, if the measurement is violence towards Asians, it collapses into a pure “POC” state. English comedian David Baddiel described a similar phenomenon when it comes to Jews. However, according to the US Woke Quantum Society, the Jewish wave function inclines much more towards the “white” state and, according to some, even exhibits a new and henceforth unknown state of “hyper-super-whiteness”, otherwise known as Quantum purity.

In coming Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: You can accurately measure the position or the momentum of the particle, but never both at the same time. As a matter of fact, as one’s certainty approaches zero, the other’s approaches infinity. Similarly, The “Anti-racism uncertainty principle” has been demonstrated by a team of accomplished UMass Boston researchers, headed by our very own Physics Education expert, Prof. Lancelot Smith. According to him, many such pairs exhibit the exact same uncertainty in the world of Anti-racism! As one approaches zero, the other approaches infinity. Examples include:

• Equity and Merit. 

• Truth and Critical Race theory (CRT).

• A scientist’s proclivity towards “science education” and his/her/their/zir IQ.

The list goes on and on.

Do you have any other examples? Let us know!