Endgame Solution
Endgame Solution
The Massachusetts Department of Higher Education just released a Strategic Plan for Racial Equity. It promises an instant and eternal eradication of racial and other disparities... on the cheap
The Massachusetts Department of Higher Education has just released a Strategic Plan for Racial Equity. Our Supreme Leader, in his infinite wisdom, is one of the authors (p. 54). The solution to the long-standing problem of racial and other disparities will be as instant as it will be long-lasting:
University admissions will switch to a lottery system1: the goal is to
[e]liminate the use of standardized tests for admissions, assessment, and placement (p. 41 ).
Each cell of the intersectional hyper-matrix2 will be assigned a number of winning tickets proportional to the share of the cell in the Massachusetts population at large.
Adjustments needed to account for roundup errors and programming bugs will be effectuated by depleting the cell at the origin.
Cells complaining about the new admission rules will be instantly fused with the cell at the origin3.
Individuals attempting to supplement their lottery record with certificates produced by the residual pockets of meritocracy—such as Math Olympiads—will be sent to the social engineering preparatory schools; they will be allowed to reattempt the lottery after they become able to produce, in a proctored environment, at least three demonstrably mediocre works in any area of what formerly was known as knowledge.
Individuals with a record of use of words listed in the List of the Forbidden Words4 , numbers listed in the List of the Forbidden Numbers5, or books listed in the List of the Forbidden Books6 will be permanently banned from participation in the lottery.
To defend the equitability of the outcome against the knowledge, skills, and abilities of the students, admission will be immediately followed by graduation7. A tuition, of a size of the former 6-year package, will be charged during a microsecond-long transition period in between.
Update, 11/4/22: Not fake. Many of the features of the system described here are, currently, being implemented in the Minnesota State Colleges and Universities System. In particularly, a demographically balanced outcome in test results, grades, and graduation will be mechanically built in: a lottery system and instant “learning” are logical next steps. A detailed critique of the Minnesota plan can be found here, regretfully behind a paywall.
Update, 6/24/2022: Not fake. Thanks to the parents and their struggle, merit admissions the Lowell High School in San-Francisco are back.
Update, 11/23/2022: Not fake. The immediate university with no classes but with tuition (bullet #7 above), had been experimented with already. Holden Thorp, the current editor-in-chief of Science, the fearless Merit Slayer, committed, as the Chancellor of the University of North Carolina (2008-2013)…
…abuses spanning over 18 years, which included “no-show” classes that had little to no faculty oversight8.
There is some deep logic to it: when merit is abolished, one can start saving on classes.
Not fake. Lottery admission to the Lowell High School in San-Francisco, the city’s only elite public high school, ruled for one and a half years.
The intersectionality hyper-matrix is a 4-dimensional matrix with the following axes:
Race (6 values): “White”, “Black or African American”, “Asian American”, “Native American/Alaska Native”, and “Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander”, “multiracial”. “Middle Eastern/North African” will join soon
Ethnicity (2 values): "Not Hispanic or Latino", “Hispanic or Latino"
Gender (11 values): “cis-gender man”, “cis-gender woman”, “trans-gender man”, “trans-gender woman”, “non-binary”, “two-spirit”, “bigender”, “agender”, “genderfluid”, “genderqueer”, “cat-gender”
Sexual orientation (about 8 values, the number is constantly growing, the list will remain a countable set nonetheless): “straight”, “gay”, “lesbian”, “bisexual”, “pansexual”, “asexual”, “queer”, “Narcissus”, …
There are 1056 cells total, some may be empty. The order of the values is arbitrary, with the exception of the first one at every axis.
Population migration is preferable to gluing cells together: the latter may lead to topologies 3D can not hold. Similar incident happened in the 1950s, when one of the MBTA lines disappeared to the forth dimension.
451
1984
314159
…
The financial benefits of this sub-proposal will greatly offset the price of the super-computer time needed to generate and maintain the intersectionality hyper-matrix (assuming that the number of sexual orientations and gender identities does not exceed 1000).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holden_Thorp (retrieved on 11/23/2022).