UMass Boston to Accommodate Unhoused Migrants at Residence Halls
Our students will have to find other places to live
This is a guest post by a fellow UMass Boston prankster Norman.
Our fearless governor, Maura Healey, fought back tears in a virtual meeting as she bravely vowed to “call universities” to address the unhousedness that the recent immigrants coming into Massachusetts are facing. Indeed, our undoubtedly qualified chancellor of color, Marcelo Suárez-Orozco, appears to have received a call from Her Excellency. Reports on the ground indicate that students in the Dr. J. Keith and Angela Motley Residence Halls have received an email informing them that they will need to find alternate accommodations. It appears that University officials are rolling out cots in several places around campus, including:
The eighth floor of the West Garage
The lower level of the Campus Center
The fifth floor of University Hall.
The utility corridor adjacent to Wheatley Hall.
The back of the fourth floor of McCormack Hall
In a written statement, universally acclaimed Provost Joseph B. Berger reiterated UMass Boston’s status as “an inclusive, welcoming, anti-racist and health-promoting institution” and stated that this “goes hand-in-hand with a duty to take in whoever comes to us.” When pressed further about the health and safety of the students who have been paying $10,000 - $15,000 per year for housing, Berger openly wondered “how people who were privileged enough to be able to afford housing could have the audacity to turn up their nose at the opportunity for another pristine location on campus while the unhoused immigrants were facing exposure to cold winter weather.” After all, the alternative locations have access to water and toilets and are adjacent to affordable, high-quality food from the Campus Center food court.
Affected students were also told that they would not be refunded any money and would instead face additional fees to help renovate their new living quarters. Walls would need to be erected, bathroom facilities enhanced to add drinkable water and showers, and structures built to prevent the hoi polloi from discovering how their comrades were living. University officials pointed out that, when you think about it, where else would the estimated 1,000 - 2,000 out-of-state students live if they didn’t pay those fees? We wouldn’t want them to be unhoused…right?
As for the meal plans that the students were required to pay north of $6,000 per year for, officials with the Office of Housing and Residential Life informed them that no refunds would be given, as the new occupants of their rooms would need food to eat. At the J. Keith and Angela Motley Residence Halls, there is a deep-rooted sentiment that money does not grow on trees.
Thanks to our “progressive” electorate-hungry rulers, the immigrant plight, may the force be with them, begets our new moral dilemma. Many of our students used entire family savings to learn from us and to get to a better place than their parents were. Maybe Elizabeth Warren (net worth of $12M) should have a few spare rooms in her houses to help her future voters?
We will continue to follow this breaking story as it develops.
Thanks for reporting this craziness.