UMass Boston Demands a Mandatory DEI Statement

And we're all for it!

Some private universities, like Brigham Young, are openly affiliated with a church. Some even go as far as requiring a statement of faith from all job applicants. Unfortunately, as a public university, UMass Boston is not allowed to do so. However, our Supreme Leaders, in their infinite wisdom, joined other state schools and found a brilliant way to circumvent this pesky little detail. Instead of explicitly requiring that all applicants affirm their faith in the Church of DEI and in St. Kendi and his teachings, and thus raising suspicion from hate groups such as the FIRE or far right extremists like this infidel mathematician¹ or this bigoted reporter², they called it “a mandatory diversity statement” that job applicants have to provide a to affirm their commitment to the tenets of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.

Unfortunately, there is only a very small number of True Believes in the sciences. For the rest of you - we hereby supply a template for a statement that you can configure as you wish:

I state that I am not a member of the Communist Party or any other organization which advocates the overthrow of the Government by force or violence, and that I have no commitments in conflict with my responsibilities with respect to impartial scholarship and free pursuit of truth. I understand that the foregoing statement is a condition of my employment and a consideration of payment of my salary.

Oops, sorry. That’s the infamous Berkeley loyalty oath from 1950. Nowadays communism is back in fashion among our DEI Comrades, and the new Berkeley DEI rubric system is a shining beacon of true devotion. Their rubric system is used to weed out horrible people who, for example, “[treat] all students the same regardless of background” or who are willing to “…supervise students of any gender or ethnic identity” but treat everyone the same without regard to intersecting identities. The HORROR! Berkeley hiring committees are being urged to start the review process by using these rubrics to score the required diversity statements and to pre-eliminate applicants who don’t achieve a scoring cut-off. Good for them! They are the living embodiment of DEI first, science later!

Our proposed statement, inspired by LeTourneau University, is one of true devotion and is bound to get you picked up:

• I believe that DEI is the only inspired, inerrant Word of our Lord Foucault and is completely truthful and without error.

• I believe there is one God, eternally existent in three persons: Father Foucault, Son Kendi, Holy Spirit DiAngelo and fairy godparent Judith Butler.

• I believe in intersectional identities, systems of oppression, racial affinity groups, affirmative action and equity as a supreme goal.

• I accept Critical Race Theory as the one absolute truth, even though it is not taught in schools and does not exist.

• I swear to disavow merit, logic, rigor, science and all other tokens of whiteness and white supremacy in my work and outside of it.

• I promise to DO THE WORK every day of my life and keep myself and others ACCOUNTABLE to ensure these values drive all decision-making in research, pedagogical innovations, resource allocation, and the development of policies and practices.

• I believe that the teachings of St. Kendi and St. Diangelo are the One and Only Truth, because the One and Only Truth is defined as their Teachings³

• The DEI Bible itself, as the inspired and infallible Word of God that speaks with final authority concerning truth, morality, and the proper conduct of man/womxnkind, is the sole and final source of all that we believe, for purposes of doctrine, practice, policy, and discipline.

• In the Marxist utopia of both the saved and the lost, those who have obeyed the DEI tenets will rise to experience eternal life, and those who have continued to uphold merit, logic and science will rise to experience judgment.

1. Abigail Thompson was one of the first who publicly raised the alarm back in 2019.

2. On Feb. 7 2013 Texas Tech withdrew its DEI statement requirement.

3. That they disagree and even contradict each other on many topics, including the definition of racism, is fine. Contradictions and incoherence are a part of the Church of Foucault.