The Inquisition is Coming!

A new and exciting teaching initiative to take place.

Joseph-Nicolas Robert-Fleury, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

The university is launching the “Embedded tutors inquisitors” initiative. The tutors inquisitors are upper level students, specially trained for the important mission by the CIT (Center for Inquisition and Torture Innovative Teaching). They will be deployed in classes and closely monitor the professors for every sign of wrongthink, wrongspeak or any discussion of any subject that may cause harm, trauma and tears to students. Example of such subjects are objectivity, logic and the requirement to be able to add fractions. Whenever they spot a sign of dissent, it is their duty to report the culprits immediately to the Vice Provost for Excellence in Indoctrination. Harmful professors are to be subject to a public struggle session and sent to re-education.

This is still a pilot program and we will keep you updated, but in the meantime we gathered reactions from members of the campus community:

“I used to be so triggered by all my professors and their reactionary concepts of ‘science’ and ‘rigor’ and ‘proofs’ and ‘objectivity’ that I had to go straight home after classes and cry for an hour, every single day. Now that I know they are being monitored I feel safe again, it is amazing”

(Jessica Lagrima, sophomore student).

“It is a wonderful idea. Freedom of speech is NOT the freedom to say biased and tone-deaf things about empiricism and logic without being accountable for my hurt feelings. I only wish they’d thought about it when I just started college. It would have saved me so much harm and trauma.”

(Josh Pinkhurt, sophomore student)

“Jessica Lagrima and Josh Pinkhurt cheated on the final exam”

(Greg Samsa, professor).