A Spy Among Us!
A Spy Among Us!
It's one scandal after another for SJP. Just follow the hummus trail.
Following the UMass Boston branch of Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP)’s brave and stunning decision to have the dining team boycott Sabra Hummus, the organization has been shaken to the core when it turned out that its on-campus leader, Nabila Talib, is really a Zionist spy! SJP activists started to suspect Talib when she ordered the beating of a journalist during a demonstration last year and bribed the administration to completely ignore it, causing major headlines and a spike in pro-Zionist activity on campus. Her room had been bugged and eventually she was caught red-handed trying to deliver a coded message to her operator, colonel Erran Morad, saying “Our recent campaign was a huge success! Not only did we convince the dining team to remove the meh Hummus from their shelves, we also recruited tons more brand new Zionists who got sick of BDS bullshit! It’s genius!”.
Following her heroic capture, Talib was immediately removed from SJP and became a campus pariah. She was replaced by Nimrod J. Iscariot, the student representative of Jews for the Boycott, Divest and Sanction Movement (Jews for BDSM). In his inaugural speech, Iscariot promised that
“...despite the hideous treachery underlying the brave and stunning act, we shall continue to take similar important actions to fight for justice against colonialism and ethnic cleansing!”.
Activist Fadi Haddad pointed out that Sabra was, in fact, an American brand, but that’s OK because Americans are also implicated in colonialism and ethnic cleansing. For daring to compare America to The Ultimate Evil which is the Zionist entity, the heretic Haddad was immediately sent on a trip to Occupied Palestine to EDUCATE HIMSELF. He was last seen tanning on the beach, enjoying real hummus.
Epilogue: Two weeks later, Iscariot was badly beaten on campus by an actual white supremacist who yelled “Dirty Jew!” and ran off. When talking about the incidence in an SJP meeting he was immediately fired from his leadership position for the white supremacist act of centering antisemitism, and also became a campus pariah.
Update: The hummus ban was quietly reversed by university leadership shortly afterwards. Now we can all enjoy over-priced mediocre hummus once more.